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x06andrewskxhappyascanbex Asks...
another pupil at school is saying that im calling her mum names,
and havent said any thin like that. i wouldnt say that and im getting accused of it, so what can i do?
What we suggest...
Hi x06andrewskxhappyascanbex
Thank you for telling us about what is happening at school at the moment. We hope we can help.
It can be very upsetting when we are accused of doing things that we know have not happened and this is probably upsetting you. In fact this girl is bullying you - the same thing that she is, in fact, accusing you of.
Sometimes there does not seem to be any reason why someone would start being unkind to another person. Are you aware of any reason why the person is doing this? Maybe you have been friends and then have fallen out, so that she is looking to hurt you. Sometimes, just ignoring the comments and getting on with your own life is the best way to help to resolve the situation. When the person sees that she is not having any effect on you she may stop.
But there are other strategies:-
You could just make a remark back something like ………'Yeah ..whatever' if you did feel you wanted to say something. If you do this each time it might show her that it isn't have the upsetting effect that she think.
We don't know whether this person is someone who you know quite well. If this is the case perhaps you could talk to her and ask why these things are being said when it's all not true.
However, it might be that this has been happening for quite some time and it is beginning to really get you down. You should definitely tell someone maybe a friend, parent or teacher - an adult who can support and help you. We understand that sometimes it is really difficult to actually put how you are feeling into words and tell someone. As the bullying is happening at school you could tell a teacher. Perhaps there is a teacher that you get on well with and feel comfortable talking to. All schools should have a designated person that children with worries about bullying can talk to. There should be an anti-bullying policy that says who this person is. This policy is often given in the school prospectus and it should be up as a poster on the wall in school.
If you are finding it really difficult to put into words how you are feeling then you could try writing down what has been happening. Often it's useful to make a diary of times and dates of what's been happening. If you haven't then don't worry, just write down as much as you can and try to say how it makes you feel. Not only does it help to write the stuff down - it means you don't carry it around with you in a hurting way, and it also means you have a record of incidents that you can refer to, and show adults to prove that what you say is happening is real.
Another thought is to ask a friend who you can trust to go with you - you might not want them to come into the room whilst you talk to the teacher but they could just come to the room with you and perhaps wait outside the door.
You might feel happier talking to a parent or carer about it first. They may be able to help you by writing to the school or making an appointment to see your head of year, teachers who offer pastoral care or form tutor. Think this idea through first, some people feel their parents might make things worse by being really cross with school, whereas for others it's just the help that get things sorted.
Meanwhile, until things get sorted out there are some things you can do to help yourself. Here are some ideas:
- Tell a friend what is happening and stick with them as much as possible. It is harder for someone to single you out if you have a friend for support and are not on your own.
- As we have said before - try to ignore what she is saying and just turn and walk away. It's difficult to be horrid to someone who won't stand still.
- Try not to show that you are upset and angry. It's no fun for the bully if they don't get a reaction.
- Try and avoid being along in the places where you think this girl might be. Keep with a group of people or just avoid certain places.
- Try to feel confident about yourself by doing things such as writing a list of all the good things you can think about yourself or get involved in an interest or activity - also a way to meet new people.
- Get involved in a sport or a self-defence class - a great way to develop your self-confidence and feel good about yourself.
It may also be that she is telling others that you are calling her mother names. We are sure that if this what she is doing, the people around her will know that this is not true and eventually refuse to listen to her. But again if you feel things are getting out of control please tell an adult who can help.
It is not always clear why some people try to hurt others. Often they are jealous or maybe get a thrill from hurting other people. Often these people feel lonely and isolated, and suffer some kind of hurtful behaviour themselves. They then feel more powerful if they are unkind to others. Realising that something like this may be behind this unkind behaviour may help you to feel better about yourself.
If you have access to the Internet there are several websites that have lots of further information and advice about stopping bullying:-
http://www.childline.org.uk/info/pages/bullying.aspx
http://www.need2know.co.uk/beatbullying/howtostopbullying.html
http://www.bullying.co.uk/young_people/index.aspx
http://www.kidscape.org.uk/childrenteens/childrenteensindex.shtml
Remember that you should not feel you are to blame in any way for what's happening and you should not have to be scared or worried by the things she says.
We hope that you have found our response helpful and that things get sorted out. Maybe you would like to let us know how things work out and if you would like any further information or advice please get in touch with us again.
Best Wishes
Good Luck
q2a
Expert advice and every precaution has been taken to ensure that the information on this page is trustworthy and reliable, but the publishers do not hold themselves responsible for any inaccuracy as information can go out of date very quickly. This page gives general guidance only and should not be treated as a complete and authoritative statement of the law. With regard to suggested weblinks given in this reply please note that Lancashire County Council is not responsible for the content of external internet sites.
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