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thinspiration asks...
Hello q2a.
I have never told any body this before.
Because i think they re is something wrong with me , and it isn't normal.
But .... i want an eating disorder.
i have started counting calories in my food , and feeling guilty if i go over 500.
A guy recently started liking me , and i pretended to be my mate and told him that i used to have an eating disorder. I did this hoping he will feel sorry for me. and he did and for some reason i liked it.
My parents call me fat all the time , they call me lazy , fat bitch , fat pig ,and fat ass.
Names like this.
Sometimes i just go up to my room and cry. They don't see this or see that it makes me cry , but when they say them they see that it makes me upset.
I hate being fat , and not many guys like me ... so why did i have to ruin it ?
Omg! there's something wrong with me i know there is.
Thers something wrong in my mind.
I keep looking at the pro anorexia sites and just thinking how good it would be to stick to those rules and to look that thin. Also to have all those friends online that think the same way i do , we could support each other.
For some reason i want an eating disorder , i want to make myself unhealthy so that i can fit in nice clothes , and guys will like me.
I obsess over these thoughts but never actually do it.
Is there something wrong with me ?
i cant tell anybody , not even family an friends so please don't suggest that i do.
Thank you so much if you can help me .
What we suggest...
Hi thinspiration
Many thanks for your enquiry to q2a.
We understand that you are feeling like you want an eating disorder so that you can look thinner, wear nice clothes and so guys will like you. The companionship from online pro anorexia sites is also appealing to you and you think perhaps if you were thinner your family wouldn't call you names.
The majority, if not all, girls and increasingly boys now, do worry about how they look and what weight they are, which is heightened in the media where size 0 is seen as the 'in thing' and images of Kate Moss and Victoria Beckham are presented as the 'Ideal women'.
Coupled with publications of 1000s of diet plans and pills it can easily makes the securest person question how she looks, what she weighs, her popularity and so on and that's where 'yo-yo' diets come in where women try different diets to lose weight . But most are unsuccessful as the only real way to lose weight is to eat a sensible balanced diet with regular exercise.
You said you have never told anyone before about how you are feeling, so very well done for telling us. This is a big achievement and its very brave of you to recognise that you have a problem. The fact that you are worried and wanting to change are both very positive steps and hopefully a starting point for you being able to change things.
As you don't give us your height and weight it is hard for us to determine whether you are actually overweight or a healthy weight or underweight. You also don't mention how long you have felt like this and how long you have been restricting your diet to just 500 calories or less per day. Therefore it is hard to determine whether you do currently have an eating disorder or not. Therefore we would like to begin by just giving you some basic information on eating disorders so that you might be able to see whether you feel any of this applies to you.
While it is common for people to worry about their weight, when this is more like an obsession it can be a sign of an eating disorder. The ones people chiefly know about are anorexia nervosa and bulimia. People who are anorexic tend to worry a lot about being fat and may feel that they look very overweight, even if they are actually dangerously underweight. They tend to eat very little. People who are bulimic also worry a lot about their weight but they veer between eating next to nothing, then binge on large amounts of food, taking laxatives or vomiting in an attempt to control their weight.
While both of these eating disorders are more common in girls and women they do also occur in boys and men. Without wishing to alarm you, we would like to just explain some of the effects of eating disorders on a person's health. These range from tiredness and difficulty with normal activities, poor concentration, lack of confidence, faintness, dizziness, depression and anxiety to, in the long term, damage to bones and internal organs, loss of periods and a risk of infertility, ending in death in very severe cases.
Eating disorders can be triggered by a number of things and are now recognised to be an emotional disorder. This means that while they may appear to be solely about food, in fact they are to do with a person's feelings and emotions. Anorexia can develop, for example, as a consequence of a person responding to a trauma or upsetting event such as the death of a family member, family breakdown, bullying or abuse. Sometimes worry or stress can lead to comfort eating and subsequent worries about weight. Dieting and missing meals can lead to craving for food, loss of control and over eating. It is said that eating disorders sometimes give people a sense of control when perhaps they otherwise feel out of control. However, this sense of control is an illusion and there is a danger that the eating disorder, which might seem to the sufferer like it is helping them, will end up becoming a dangerous obsession, causing serious harm in the process.
In your case it does seem that you're worrying about food and weight and it may stem from your family saying horrid things to you. Have you asked them why they are saying this to you? You mention you don't want to talk to family and friends about this but they may not realise how much they are hurting you. It may be the sort of family where name calling is run of the mill, and the intent to hurt is not the main reason - its just habit. But no matter what your actual weight is these things can be upsetting and are a form of bullying. You could try and talk to them and ask them to stop or perhaps show them this email to show them how much it is hurting you. Have you other family members or friends you can confide in? Are the words they use when you are arguing, as people tend to say things they don't mean when they argue and regret it later.
There are lots of advice and information about dealing with bullying wherever it happens from helplines and websites:
Childline 0800 11 11
www.nspcc.org.uk
www.bullying.co.uk
www.thinkuknow.co.uk
In terms of somebody liking you especially a boy, you shouldn't need to make things up for him to want to continue going out with you and the truth is always found out. In order for others to like you, you need to like yourself which is often called self- esteem. Some people think that self-esteem means confidence - and of course confidence comes into it - but it's rather more than that. The fact is that there are many apparently confident people who can do marvelous things but who have poor self-esteem. Many people in the public eye fall into this category. Actors and comedians and singers in particular can seem to glow with assurance on stage and yet off - stage many of them feel desperately insecure. So, if self- esteem isn't quite the same thing as confidence, what is? Well the word 'esteem' comes from a Latin word which means 'to estimate'. So, self - esteem is how you estimate yourself. To do that you need to ask yourself certain questions:
- Do I like myself?
- Do I think I'm a good human being?
- Am I someone deserving of love?
- Do I deserve happiness?
- Do I really feel- both in my mind and deep in my guts - that I'm an OK person?
People with low self - esteem find it hard to answer 'yes' to these questions.
If you struggled to answer yes to any of these, we wonder whether you may benefit from ways to improve your self esteem:
www.netdoctor.co.uk/se x_relationships/facts/self esteem/htm has an extensive list of practical tips on how to improve your self esteem. For example it is recommended that you 'Accentuate the Positive'. Often we make ourselves unhappy because we go over and over mistakes that we have made. But we can feel happier, and improve our self - esteem, if we re-think those things we believe we have done wrong or badly.
www.mind.org.uk/information/booklets/how+to/how+to+increase+your+self-esteem.htm has some helpful ideas on how to build self esteem as well. Please have a look at these sites and see if any of the stuff there is useful to you.
In terms of how many calories you eat per day, 500 is far too little and you shouldn't feel guilty if you go over that. A woman should consume on average 2000 calories per day and exercise on average 30 minutes at least 3 times a week in order to maintain a healthy weight. The things you eat can also determine your weight. It's important to eat a well balanced diet. You need to choose a variety of foods from the basic food groups:
- Plenty of starchy carbohydrates - bread, rice, pasta, breakfast cereals, chapattis, couscous and potatoes.
- Plenty of fruit and vegetables- at least five portions every day.
- Lots of dairy products such as milk, yogurt, fromage frais and pasteurised cheeses.
- Enough protein, such as meat, fish, eggs, beans and pulses
- Not too many fatty and sugar-rich foods.
It is also important to:
- drink at least eight glasses of fluid a day
- Eat breakfast - it can provide essential nutrients and improve concentration in the mornings. A fortified breakfast cereal e.g. shreddies, shredded wheat etc with semi-skimmed milk and a glass of fruit juice provide a 'good start' to the day.
- Take regular exercise which is important for overall fitness and cardiovascular health.
- Be sensible with alcohol- experimenting with alcohol is often part of growing up and assessing independence. If you do drink, try and not to binge and keep intakes within sensible limits.
www.bbc.co.uk/hea/th/healthy_living/nutrition offers more advice.
With regards to wanting to go onto pro-anorexia websites we would strongly recommend not going onto these kinds of websites. There was a documentary on ITV on Thursday evening last at 9pm with the presenter Fern Cotton about these kinds of sites. We don't know if you watched it but it may be repeated on ITV2 at some point. Fern herself actually tried one of the extreme diets living on just one apple and a cucumber a day and gave up within hours. On this TV programme it was revealed that eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia have the highest premature death rate of any psychiatric illness: up to one in five sufferer's dies within 20 years through suicide and long - term damage.
There are now many networks out there that offer more supportive advice on how to beat the disorder rather than encourage it:
Careline- 01582 457474 - This helpline is available for anyone who is affected in any way
an eating disorder and is open from Monday to Thursday, between 10am and 3pm.
"The Beat - For Young People" (<http://www.b-eat.co.uk/YoungPeople/Home>). This is part of the BEAT website specifically designed for young people which gives information and support for young people with eating disorders. They offer a helpline (0845 634 7650), an email service, texting, videos, advice, opportunities to get involved and more.
If you are diagnosed with an eating disorder and would like extra support by meeting with others who are going through a similar thing, "BEAT" also offers self help groups called "BEAT groups" where those who attend support each other by sharing experiences, thoughts, successes and problems,. We have to point out that these groups do not offer treatment, counselling or therapy. To find your nearest "BEAT group" you could ring the helpline or access the above website.
It may also prove helpful by seeking the advice or a health professional such as your GP. They should be able to provide an accurate evaluation of whether you need to lose or gain weight, as well as provide expert advice on diets and exercise. This could also provide the opportunity for you to discuss how depressed you feel about your eating. Any visit would be in confidence.
We have given you quite a lot of information in our answer here, and we have made a number of suggestions about different sources of potential help. We hope that this is all useful to you and you will be able to pursue one or more of the suggestions and gain some more insights into why you have this issue at the moment and what other issues might also be significant.
We are here to talk with you further if you would like to keep in contact and tell us how you are. We should be glad to hear from you again, about this or anything else.
Best Wishes
Q2A
Expert advice and every precaution has been taken to ensure that the information on this page is trustworthy and reliable, but the publishers do not hold themselves responsible for any inaccuracy as information can go out of date very quickly. This page gives general guidance only and should not be treated as a complete and authoritative statement of the law. With regard to suggested weblinks given in this reply please note that Lancashire County Council is not responsible for the content of external internet sites.
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