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isthisme.com?whatdoido? asks...
there is this boy at school and he goes to my youth club and he is always making us laugh but he then gets us into trouble and im on the verge of being thrown out becouse of it.
but on the other hand if i egnore him i get into trouble and if i tell him what i think of him i still get into trouble
im not stopping going just because he goes there.
What we suggest...
Hi isthisme.com?whatdoido?
Thanks for telling us about the difficulties you are having with a boy who goes to your school and your youth club.You have said that this boy is always making you laugh but then he gets you into trouble and that you are on the verge of being thrown out because of it. From what you have said it seems that you have been trying to do something about it but you feel as if whatever you do, you end up getting into trouble. You are right that you should not have to stop going to youth club or school because of this boy as that is not fair.
It can be really difficult sometimes when we encounter people who like to make a joke and make us laugh when we are supposed to be studying or paying attention. Especially if that person is very funny. Just because they are disruptive or behaving badly doesn't mean that they aren't likeable and it can be tempting to get carried along with them. However, by disrupting other people they can end up creating problems for other people as well as for themselves.
You have said that you are "on the verge of being thrown out" but you didn't say whether this was school or youth club that you are at risk of being thrown out of. It sounds like this behaviour is causing a real problem and it is good that you are doing something positive about it by asking for help to tackle this situation. It sounds like you have tried a number of different approaches and it's a shame that so far these seem to have not worked out for you. Perhaps it would help if we had a look at a number of different ways you might try and tackle the situation and see if there may be a way of making things better?
Before we discuss what you could do about it we would encourage you to be really honest with yourself and ask yourself whether this is all the boy's fault or whether you are at least partly to blame to. We're not saying that you are, and if you are not that is fine. It's just that we would suggest one good approach might be to talk to your youth workers and teachers about the situation. If you are honest with them and are able to accept that your behaviour might be causing a problem too then they might be more willing to understand than if you were to just go in and say it was all this boy's fault, even if he is the one who might be encouraging others to laugh and mess about. If you are just seen as blaming the boy they might not be as willing to understand.
We don't know what your relationship with your teachers and youth workers is like but we would recommend you explain how you feel to them. Perhaps they will then be able to have a word with this boy? You haven't said whether he is also on the verge of being thrown out but it seems that if he is the one causing this disruption it should be up to him to change his ways or face being excluded, not those who he is disrupting. We hope you can choose the right people to talk to, at school we would suggest your form tutor or head of year or pastoral care, and at your youth centre the worker in charge, or my might want to talk to someone else in the youth service in which case you could contact the service on 013082 862495 or you could look at www.doncasterfusion.co.uk or you could ring The Line on 0800 511111.
Stopping going to school or to youth club would not be fair on you so we wouldn't recommend that, if you are not prepared to immediately speak to your youth workers or teachers maybe you could try talking to him again, but this time maybe try a slightly different approach. From what you have said it would seem that you have tried ignoring him and telling him what you think of him. Both of these approaches could, if done in a certain way, cause the boy to become a bit defensive. Especially as he is always trying to make you laugh as this suggests that he might be trying to get you to like him.
We're not suggesting you go too easy on him either but maybe you could try explaining the effect his behaviour is having. If you weren't comfortable doing this face to face maybe you could send a letter. It might be a good idea to keep a copy of the letter in case you have to talk to anyone else about it later and need to show that you have already tried to do something about it yourself first? Maybe you could reassure him by saying that you do like him and find him funny but that you are worried about getting thrown out and just ask him if its ok if he tries not to make you laugh and distract you. Perhaps then if he doesn't listen you could warn him that unless he changes his behaviour you will be forced to go and talk to the youth worker or teacher but that you would prefer not to have to? Then it puts the ball in his court and gives him a chance to change his ways before you have to involve anyone else.
Another thing that you could try is having a word with your friends and see how they are feeling about it. You did say that he is always making "us" laugh and that this gets "us" into trouble. Maybe you could ask your teacher or youth worker if you could have a meeting as a group to discuss the problem. Again, they might be pleased that you are keen to try and sort the situation out. Maybe if your friend realises how everyone feels this might encourage them to try not to do it as much. Again, though, it is much better if you can try your best to say things in a kind way than in an angry way because underneath this person's front as a joker they might be quite easily hurt as this can often be the case with people who are always trying to make others laugh.
The key to success in dealing with situations like this is talking, both to the person involved and to other adults such as youth workers and teachers if necessary. Also, as we said its important to make sure that you try to be kind to the person whilst at the same time remembering that they have no right to make your life difficult with their behaviour. Another thing is to be honest with yourself about how much is due to their behaviour and how much might be down to you and your mates. If you keep aware of all these things and try the things we hope that you might be able to improve the situation.
We hope what he have said will be helpful to you and if you would like any more help or advice with this please feel free to get back in touch.
Let us know how you get on.
Thanks for contacting q2a.
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