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chickster asks...

hello i was hoping you could help me i want a baby i am nearly 18 and i love my boyfriend but we do argue and fight a bit. I know my mum wouldnt be happy for me to have a baby with him but if i did what support would i get???

What we suggest...

Hi chickster, thanks for your email.

There are two kinds of support available to you if you have a baby: the emotional kind and the practical kind. We'll talk about the emotional side first. Having emotional support from your boyfriend and your family is important because having a baby changes your life for ever, and it's hard work! If your boyfriend and your family are on your side they can be of enormous help.

You both will also need to think about your relationship. It will change your relationship with your boyfriend; it will no longer be just the two of you so you'll have less time for each other with another small person to take care of. Having a baby may bring you closer together, or it may give you more reasons to argue and fight. Do you know how your boyfriend feels about being a Dad? You say you think your Mum won't be happy about you having a baby with your boyfriend so, if you do go ahead, things might be a bit awkward at first but there's a very good chance that she'll come round eventually. After all, it will be her grandchild!

Most importantly of all, think about yourself and your reasons for wanting a baby now. Are you ready to have a baby at this time in your life? Your body's been ready since your periods started, and the urge to have a baby can be very strong, but do you feel emotionally ready to care for a baby? Think about whether you're doing it to keep up with, or in with, other people e.g. if your friends are pregnant or already have babies. And that it's not just so you'll have someone to love if you're feeling a bit neglected by other people in your life.

Now for the practical support that's available. You will be entitled to some of this automatically, and some of it will depend on you and your boyfriend's income and savings, and whether either or both of you are in work.

First of all, do you have somewhere to live? If you're not living at your own or your boyfriend's home, your choices are:

- to buy your own home
- to rent from a private landlord
- to apply for social housing from your local council or from housing associations

During your pregnancy you may be entitled to some of the following:

- welfare benefits: Jobseekers Allowance; Income Support; a bridging allowance if you're waiting for a training place; a training allowance if you're in training; Education Maintenance Allowance (EMA) if you're in Further Education or training.
- Housing Benefit/Local Housing Allowance to help with rent; Council Tax Benefit to help with the Council Tax (you become liable to pay this when you're 18)
- if you're in work, maternity rights and maternity pay from your employer
- Healthy Start vouchers for milk, fresh fruit, fresh vegetables, infant formula milk, free vitamins
- Sure Start Maternity Grant
- Working Tax Credit
- help with health costs e.g. free prescriptions, free dental treatment

When you've had your baby you may be entitled to (in addition to or instead of those mentioned above):

- Child Benefit - automatically
- Child Tax Credit
- Care to Learn to help you carry on studying or training

It can be very confusing trying to sort out exactly what you're entitled to and how to claim it, so here's where you can go for help:

- The Infocentre for Young People, 3 Abbey Street (opposite the main post office), Accrington. Telephone: 01243 385050. Open Monday-Friday 10.30am-4.30pm, till 5.30pm Monday, Wednesday, Friday. You can just drop in anytime when they're open

If you have access to the Internet and you'd like to know more about becoming a parent, have a look at

- http://www.raisingkids.co.uk/homepages/homepage_default.asp
- http://www.parentlineplus.org.uk/index.php?id=2
- http://www.parentscentre.gov.uk/

We hope you find what we've said in our reply helpful. We hope there's enough information to help you to decide what to do. Please email us again if you need to, about this or anything else.

Best wishes

q2a

Expert advice and every precaution has been taken to ensure that the information on this page is trustworthy and reliable, but the publishers do not hold themselves responsible for any inaccuracy as information can go out of date very quickly. This page gives general guidance only and should not be treated as a complete and authoritative statement of the law.