home links bulletin board about what now? make a comment
boyfriend asks...
i love my boyfriend but he doent seem to want to tell me wen hes out or wat he dus, but expectx me to tel him everthing, it upsets me n now ma frineds are duin same hel arange fings n not tel me n tht all tym wat shud a do
What we suggest...
Hi boyfriend!
Thanks for contacting q2a with your enquiry.
Sorry to hear that things are upsetting you in your relationship.
It seems that you are saying that your boyfriend needs to know where you are but isn't prepared to share with you where he is. Has it always been like this? You've told us that it upsets you but is he aware how you feel too? Are you able to sit and talk about things with him?
You've also said that your friends are doing the same. Do you mean they are going out without telling you but needing to know where you are?
If people feel the need to know where you are perhaps they are worried about you in some way. Have you had problems that they've wanted to try and help you with?
For example, if a person had an eating disorder their friends might feel very anxious about them and really want to help but just not know how. This could cause the friends to feel tense. When they go out they would be wanting to relax and because they felt stressed when they were around the friend they might not ask them, or if they were going for a meal it could be awkward. A solution to this could be to talk more and both sides explain honestly how they are feeling. Eating disorders are a very complicated issue and if this is an issue for you please contact us again.
There is general information about eating disorders at http://www.whatnow.co.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=423&pageNumber=4
More detailed information and contacts can be found at; http://www.b-eat.co.uk/YoungPeople/Home
The example of eating disorders could be changed to friends worrying about someone who has been feeling really down. They might really care about the person but not want to take them out incase it upsets them further or puts a down feeling on the other's activity. Again, talking through how everyone feels can really help. It is important to be as honest with each other as possible. If they are caring friends they won't be wanting to be hurtful.
There seems to be communication problems in both these sets of relationships if this is how things are. Many things can be sorted out by listening carefully to other people, talking things through and making sure that you explain things clearly to other people.
How do you honestly feel conversations go with your boyfriend and your friends? Do you get the idea that you understand what people are saying and that they understand what you are saying back?
As your boyfriend seems to be your biggest worry in your query he is probably the person you want to talk with first. Perhaps you could start by asking him - 'How would you like our relationship to go?' or something like that in your words. Perhaps how it feels to you is that he wants to know where you are but doesn't bother telling you where he is but possibly he sees it completely differently. Not listening to each other can cause so many misunderstandings.
We really hope things work out well for you and please contact us again if we can help in any way.
Best wishes,
q2a
Expert advice and every precaution has been taken to ensure that the information on this page is trustworthy and reliable, but the publishers do not hold themselves responsible for any inaccuracy as information can go out of date very quickly. This page gives general guidance only and should not be treated as a complete and authoritative statement of the law. With regard to suggested weblinks given in this reply please note that Lancashire County Council is not responsible for the content of external internet sites.
here's what i think about ...