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Georgii  Asks...

hi,,
i have been going out wit ma bf for ages and he wants us to take things further and i want 2 to but i am scared of letting him see my body because i don't no if it is normal or not it is making me really scared to meet up with him and i really dont wana lose him,,

wat shuold i do?

What we suggest...

Hi Georgii, thank you for your email.

It's natural to be nervous about baring all; many people feel very vulnerable with no clothes on. There's a lot of pressure to have a perfect body, but very few people are perfect; even celebs use tricks to make themselves look better than they do really. It's your body so learn to love it!

Before we talk about how you can cope with this we need to get some practicals out of the way. First of all sex is illegal under the age of 16; this doesn't mean that everyone caught having sex will be in trouble with the law. But the closer to the age of 12 years the people are, and the bigger the age difference between them, and the possibility that someone is being pressured into having sex, the more likely it is that the law will get involved.

Secondly, if you decide to go ahead, make sure that you are protected from unwanted pregnancy by using contraception, and that you protect each other from sexually transmitted infections by using condoms. Even though you're under 16 you can still get advice about contraception etc., and free supplies of contraceptives if the doctor at the clinic thinks you understand what it's all about. And it's confidential so they won't tell anyone. It would be good if you and your boyfriend could go together; sex is a shared activity so the responsibility for protecting each other should be shared.

Your nearest clinic is:

- Connect Young People's Centre, 26 Talbot Rd., Blackpool, FY1 1LF. Telephone: 01253 751047. Open: Contraception Sessions: Monday 12.30pm-2pm, Tuesday 4pm-6.30pm, Thursday 4pm-6. 30pm, Saturday 12. 30pm-3pm

You can also get information about sex, relationships, contraception and so on from:

- Sexwise, freephone 0800 28 29 30, open 7am-12midnight every day. Website: http://www.ruthinking.co.uk
- us!

What is it about your body that you think isn't normal? Everyone has bits of their body that they're not happy with: their boobs aren't the size they would like them to be; they think they are too fat or too thin; they may not like their nose; they have moles or other blemishes that they're self-conscious about. Sometimes worrying about things like this can get all out of proportion and stop people from getting on with their lives. Sometimes it can be a mask for other problems that they'd rather not think about, or deal with. In your situation, worrying about stripping off may really be nervousness about having sex, especially if it's your first time.

How you look physically is important in the very early stage of a relationship because that's usually all there is to go off when you first meet someone. But personality becomes more important later on as a relationship develops. People can accept bodily imperfections, even find them cute, when they belong to the person they love. You tell us that you've been with your boyfriend for ages so it would be a shame to let something like this damage your relationship. You've probably got to know each other pretty well by now so we think it's unlikely he'll dump you over this. If he does, he's not worth pining over.

Can you tell your boyfriend that, although you feel the same way he does about moving your relationship on, you're scared about taking your clothes off, or having sex? Sharing worries is all part of an intimate relationship, and you never know, he might be feeling just as nervous. Just a word of caution: if you can't talk to him about things like this, are you really ready to do something as intimate as have sex?

If you do go ahead, you could always have sex with your clothes on! There's no rule that says you have to be starkers; some people enjoy having sex this way because it makes it more mysterious, more touchy-feely.

If you have access to the Internet have a look at the following websites, we found them useful for our reply:

http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/wellbeing/bodyimageandselfesteem/sexwithyourveston
http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/wellbeing/bodyimageandselfesteem
http://www.bbc.co.uk/switch/surgery/advice/sex_relationships/sex/sex_am_i_ready/

We hope you find what we've said in our reply helpful. Beginning a sexual relationship's a big step so it's best to sort out any worries first so that you can be relaxed and enjoy the experience. Please email us again if you need to, about this or anything else.

Best wishes from q2a.

Expert advice and every precaution has been taken to ensure that the information on this page is trustworthy and reliable, but the publishers do not hold themselves responsible for any inaccuracy as information can go out of date very quickly. This page gives general guidance only and should not be treated as a complete and authoritative statement of the law. With regard to suggested weblinks given in this reply please note that Lancashire County Council is not responsible for the content of external internet sites.