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Bob Asks...
Dear Shirley,there are 2 girls.im dating the first girl but im crush on the second girl.what must i do ?
What we suggest...
Hi Bob
Your enquiry to Shirley has been forwarded to us at q2a. Q2A is our email enquiry service and as part of Lancashire County Council's Young People's Service we are an information and advice for young people. We are here to talk about anything that may concern young people.
It seems that you have a dilemma - although you are in a relationship with one girl, you have a crush on another. There are some things you will have to consider which unfortunately you have not told us. These include:
# Whether you have been dating the first girl for quite some time on a regular basis or just a date now and then.
# Whether both of you think the relationship is a serious one and you are really keen on each other.
# Maybe thinking your present relationship has lost its sparkle - just seeming rather mundane.
You described your liking for another girl as a 'crush'. Unlike a relationship, a crush is often a one-way thing. It might be someone you barely know or someone who is going to be really difficult to be near. It's a strong attraction to someone - that gives you an exhilarating feeling - butterflies in the stomach, a dry mouth, sweaty palms and racing heart. Often, you get the impression you are living in a dream world.
You don't tell us how well you know the girl who is your crush:-
# Is she someone who you can get on well with on a day to day basis?
# Do you share similar interest?
# Will you be able to share each other problems and 'down' times as well as the happy, up-beat ones?
These are things that you need to think about.
It's okay to have a crush - it's all part of growing into an adult, finding out about yourself and relationships. It's quite a natural part of teenage years. Give yourself time to fantasize about your crush, but if you think that it is truly not going to happen, don't let it interfere with your real life.
However, it might be that you get to know her, find out that you get on well together and she returns your feelings. Then you are going to have to think about your girlfriend. It would not be fair on either of the girls to carry on a relationship with both. You would have to make a choice and that decision can only be yours. It's difficult to have strong feelings for one person while you're going out with someone else. It will ruin the relationship you do have.
Of course, if you want to be pragmatic - very down to earth, you can always make lists - a table with one column for each girl, and list as many good qualities as you can think of or you know of. Then you can compare qualities - you would think the girl with the most and best unique qualities would be the one to choose. This seems quite an unfeeling way to choose; after all it is not always possible to actually label your feelings for someone.
We have also mentioned previously that you may be thinking that your present relationship seems slightly dull at the moment - think we said 'lost its sparkle'. Maybe a good idea to find out if your girlfriend feels the same way. You could both find a time when there is just the two of you without anyone else around and talk about how you are both feeling. What about having some suggestions ready about new things you could do together - a sports activity or joining a club?
Perhaps you just need to wait some time to see how things go and maybe consider what are your true feelings for your girlfriend and how much it would affect you if you were to break up. On the one hand it's okay to enjoy the frivolity of a crush, and not let it get in the way of good relationship, but on the other, you might be wondering if you ready to settle into a serious or long term relationship.
If you want to read more about relationships you could have a look @
http://www.need2know.co.uk/
http://www.thesite.org/
http://www.teenissues.co.uk/CopingWithACrush.html
http://www.channel4.com/health/microsites/0-9/4health/teenlife/rel_index.html
We hope that you will find our response helpful although we have not been able to give you a definite answer. Only you can make this decision and possibly some of our thoughts may help you make this decision.
We hope you have found your reply here - the email address you gave Shirley did not deliver. If you would like to contact us again please do so, through q2a.
Good Luck
Best Wishes
q2a
Expert advice and every precaution has been taken to ensure that the information on this page is trustworthy and reliable, but the publishers do not hold themselves responsible for any inaccuracy as information can go out of date very quickly. This page gives general guidance only and should not be treated as a complete and authoritative statement of the law. With regard to suggested weblinks given in this reply please note that Lancashire County Council is not responsible for the content of external internet sites.
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