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Bella asks...

Hi.
well for the last two years i have been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend and in the last six months after months of talking about it we decided to try for a baby, problem is i am worried that i can not conceive as it has been roughly six months of unprotected sex and i am still not pregnant. i have been sort of worried that the problem is with me as before being with him i had three other sexual partners who i was having unprotected sex with. i have had a smere test which came up negative for any STI's and now i just feel like maybe i am infertile. could this be possible or are there any methods you can suggest ?because i don't feel i comfortable going to a doctor to talk about this as they will be trying to deter me even though i know i am completely ready.

What we suggest...

Hi Bella, thank you for your email.

You and your boyfriend have obviously thought very seriously about your decision to try for a baby; it must be very disappointing for you that you're not pregnant yet.

One thing that might be interfering is your anxiety about not conceiving! Stressing can lower your fertility quite a bit. The average time taken for a couple who are trying to conceive is 6 months, and 8 in 10 couples will conceive within a year. This might help you to get your own situation in perspective.

You've had a sexual health check which has shown that you're clear, which must be reassuring for you. As you're probably aware some untreated STIs can cause infertility in women. But try not to think that it's your fault; it takes two to make a baby. And the stress of getting into the blame game can reduce your chances of getting pregnant.

Here are some things you and your boyfriend can try which should help to maximise your chances of getting pregnant.

If you can, try to get back to making sex a special occasion to be enjoyed just for itself. Perhaps just have sex as often as you can at the most fertile time of your cycle (and of course at any other time the urge takes you both!) so that you don't get bored with it. To find your fertile period:

- check your temperature every day: it will rise slightly around the time you ovulate
- work out the length of your menstrual cycle so you can find out your most fertile days (do this over at least 6 months for better accuracy)
- check your cervical mucus - as you approach your fertile time it will increase in volume and look like raw egg white

When these three factors coincide, this is your fertile time, and the time to have sex.

You and your boyfriend could also think about your lifestyle:

- if you smoke or drink, try to stop or at least cut down
- eat a healthy diet
- exercise regularly
- check that you're not under- or over-weight
- deal with any stresses in your lives

This next tip relates just to your boyfriend: he should avoid having hot baths or saunas, and, ideally, wear boxer shorts and loose-fitting jeans/trousers, so that his 'bits' are at the right temperature to produce healthy sperm.

We know you're reluctant to go to your doctor, but if you're still having problems in a year's time you and your boyfriend should go to see your GP who will be able to do a variety of tests on you both, and review each of your medical histories. It's also important to see your GP when you know you are pregnant so that you can get the best antenatal care for yourself and your baby.

We don't mean to be boring, but have you thought about the practicals e.g. where you'll live, how you'll support yourselves financially? Having a baby will change your lives for ever and it can be very hard work, so sorting these things out before you have your baby will make it easier.

If you need any help with things like this you can get help and advice from either of the following organisations:
- Young People's Support Service/Connexions, Avon Reach, Monkton Hill, Chippenham. Telephone: 01249 449900. Open: Monday & Tuesday 9.30am-5.00pm, Wednesday 10.00am-5.00pm,Thursday 9.30am-5.00pm; Fri 9.30am-4.00pm
- North Wiltshire Citizens Advice Bureau, 3 Avon Reach, Monkton Hill, Chippenham. Wiltshire. SN15 1EE. Telephone: 0845 120 3707. Drop in advice times: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday 10.00am-1.00pm. Telephone advice times: Monday- Friday 10.00am-4.00pm. If you have access to the Internet and you'd like to know more about becoming a parent, have a look at:

- http://www.raisingkids.co.uk/homepages/homepage_default.asp
- http://www.parentlineplus.org.uk/index.php?id=2
- http://www.parentscentre.gov.uk/

We hope you feel reassured by what we've said in our reply. Please email us again if you need to, about this or anything else.

Good luck and best wishes

q2a

Expert advice and every precaution has been taken to ensure that the information on this page is trustworthy and reliable, but the publishers do not hold themselves responsible for any inaccuracy as information can go out of date very quickly. This page gives general guidance only and should not be treated as a complete and authoritative statement of the law. With regard to suggested weblinks given in this reply please note that Lancashire County Council is not responsible for the content of external internet sites.

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