Q2A

Got an enquiry passed on from Joan at Lancashire County Council ........

my friend acted as if she was a friend at first and changed when we went to high school she started doing horrid things and being mean she also makes fun of me but some how i can't fall out with her and i feel as if im the problem i don't know what to do can you please help me?!

This is our reply.......

Hi

Thanks for your email.  You sent it to Joan at enquiries at Lancashire County Council, and she has sent it on to us.  We are Q2A and we provide an email enquiry service for young people in Lancashire.  You can visit our website at www.q2a.co.uk.  We have sent this reply to the email address you gave Joan but both times it has been returned back to us marked undeliverable.  We do hope that you manage to find your reply here.

We are sorry that you are having a hard time with your friend now that you have both moved to high school.  Changing schools coincides with all sorts of other changes like puberty and can be a very confusing time as we all develop and change at different rates, and some of the things we do can be hard for other people to cope with.  But its important to remember that you arent doing anything wrong, what is happening is that you are both maturing at different rates and doing different things.

Some people who feel very insecure at change can turn horrid, its a sort of defence, they turn against the people who they have always been with and set off with another crowd.  This can feel very hurtful and makes the old friend feel very sad and puzzled at why this has happened.  They blame themselves, like you are doing, but really it is nothing to do with what you are doing.

It is a difficult thing to deal with.  There are a number of strategies you could take.

You could ignore her and go off and find a new group of your own.  It sounds like you dont really want to do this, but it might be good to try to make another good friend as they could support you when / if she is horrid to you.

You could try talking to her and explaining how her changed behaviour is affecting you, remind her about how long you have both been good friends and say you dont want to change that.

Maybe if you know her too, you could talk to her mum about how you feel, or maybe your mum and her mum know each other and if you told your mum she might talk to her friend about how her daughter's behaviour is upsetting you?

Those are all ideas to try to help you and your friend get along together again, but it might be that it is just not going to work out at the moment.  If that's the case then you need to make looking after yourself your number one job.  That means settling down in high school and making your own group of friends, having your own chosen activities to do.  High school can offer lots of opportunities to try new things and meet new people.  Have a look at the posters on the walls, are there any clubs or groups you might like to try out?  Maybe a new sport or drama group?  If you dont want to go on your own look around your school year for someone who looks a bit lost, looks like they need a friend.  Take them under your wing and suggest you go to a club or group together, or go to the canteen together.  We think that you will soon be able to get a new social group around you and then high school will seem much more fun.

Finally, if your friend is really mean to you, picks on you, or makes other people be nasty to you, then please tell a mentor or a teacher at your school.  It is always right to tell, and they will see that your friend is spoken to and helped to understand how mean her behaviour is and help her get back to being her old self.

We hope things get better for you soon.

Take care

Q2A

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